bend and snap!

               In order to obtain the perfection of the bend and snap combination, one must satisfy the tantalizing desires of those that are onlookers (main objective being FedEx carrier men). Firstly, it is best to be blonde. Bleach and striking resemblence to Barbie if possible -- if you are unfortunately mud-haired, then you'll just have to follow these steps with utmost caution and application to yourself. After combing one's tresses to utter perfection, strut your stuff down the street to the nearest nail bar. To strut, is to let your hips sachay from side to side and cross your ankles as you stroll (one would assume you're sporting heels) alright, now you've arrived. Open that door with vigor and let every girlfran' in the house know you are now here. French gel nails are going to be your preference, but this is only to pass the time until the clock strikes hunk; and your dream man enters the salon, khaki shorts ablazin'. While waiting, feel free to toss your hair over your shoulders from time to time, just to assert authortiy and female domination through intimidating the others because your hair glistens like the moonlight reflecting from Juliet's eyes. Alright. The time has come, the prey has now entered the mint coloured beauty parlour, doe-eyed and uncertain; ready for your attack. Oh no! Is that a pen of great significant value you've dropped and is now rolling across the marble floor? Of course, you're going to get up and scurry after it. Now, these steps are to be carefully followed. Reach the destination of the pen, and make sure that the apple of your eye is aware of your movements. Once observation is secured, commence. (Remember, there is a 98% chance of being successful in catching the man's attention, and an 80% chance if used properly for a returned dinner invitation). Extend one leg father than the other, keeping is straight (usually your dominant leg is the extended). The other leg may be bent lightly at the knee, remember, the objective of this is to draw attention to the lower backside, so feel free to place your hand on your lower back, just on the waistline on your jeans. Now, reach across with the opposite hand to your dominant leg, sliding your palm down your jeans and grasp delicately. Alright, now this has the bend under control. Now, move on to the deal sealer. All of your weight is to be transfered from your angle as of right now, to upwards. And make it perky, if this action is carried out in a slothlike manner, the goals attempted to be achieved will fall through, and that 80% chance mentioned earlier will drop to a miserable sixty. Quickly, draw your arms in (to the point where your wrist should be supporting the girls to a perkier position) and extend your torso. (Preferebly, 'lunge your chest'). This movement will allow both your chest to be exploited, and your hair to sway in an attractive manner.
Now, the only way to understand if you have successfully followed these steps, is to try it.

Enjoy your dinner.